Mate, it’s not about selling an unparalleled home heating and ventilation product. It’s about overcomin the odds.

Let me tell you a little story—nahp, put down ya flat white and listen, you’ll need to signify with ya body language you’re devotin ya full attention.

So what’s happened is I’ve gone down towards the lagoons to study Rich Dad Poor Dad, dunno if you’re familiar with that little text, sposda be a lifesaver, anyway I’ve not been happy with my job at Farmers Mutual and I’ve gone to sit on a log and just study without the fuckinkids bleatin in my ears—anyway, I’ve hopped up on this log, right, and I’ve slipped into this swamp, haven’t I—this is near the moutha the Wairau Bar, dunno if you’re familiar with the terrain round Blenheim, she’s one of ya larger waterways. Now, I’ve found meself sucked in—gumboots are good like that, once underwater, they fill up and become a bit like cement boots, don’t they.

Now, I’ve said to myself, Self: you’re gonna need ta literally put the book down and pull yourself up outta your predicament, because frankly, books don’t help a man out when he’s not doin so well, y’hearin me? Stop chewing. Thas better.

So what I’ve done is I’ve wriggled onto the bank, I’ve walked two, maybe even three kilometres, drippin with mud, lookin at me own cattle with me own alphanumeric code on the ear-tags. I’ve dried out by the time I’ve reached the truck and I’ve made me a resolution.

I’ve picked up the phone, I’ve rung HVHS Home Ventilation and Heating Solutions, and I’ve said to the regional manager: This here’s your new salesman speaking.

Then I’ve phoned my boss at Farmers Mutual and I’ve said, I’m sorry, mate: heart’s not in it.

Aaaan it’s no coincidence that eleven years down the track, I am where I am.

An mate? You could be where I am in ten years—heck, maybe even eight.

So remember, by signing here, you’re not signing up to market a superior home heating and ventilation product to old cunts on the end of a telephone for 45 hours a week—you’re signing up to overcome the odds.